Humour
We all know that Sir Michael had a great sense of humour and one of is favourite sketches was by The Goon Show - What Time Is It Eccles
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What time is it, Eccles?
What follows is arguably the most famous single sequence in any Goon Show. The show is The Mysterious Punch-up-the-Conker (series 7, episode 18). About 25 minutes in the show, Bluebottle and Eccles are "in the ground floor attic" of a clock repairers. After listening to lots of timepieces ticking, chiming, cuckooing etc. for a while... |
Bluebottle What time is it Eccles?
Eccles Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles What is it fellow?
Bluebottle It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle Ooohhh...
Eccles [Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles Oohhhh.
Bluebottle 'Ere Eccles?
Eccles Yah.
Bluebottle Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles Oh dear.
Bluebottle You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles Oooohhh?
Bluebottle His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles Oooohhh.
Bluebottle It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle My granma.
Eccles Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle She's got it written down on a piece of paper!
Eccles Err, just a minute. I, I've got it written down 'ere on a piece of paper. A nice man wrote the time down for me this morning.
Bluebottle Ooooh, then why do you carry it around with you Eccles?
Eccles Well, umm, if a anybody asks me the ti-ime, I ca-can show it to dem.
Bluebottle Wait a minute Eccles, my good man...
Eccles What is it fellow?
Bluebottle It's writted on this bit of paper, what is eight o'clock, is writted.
Eccles I know that my good fellow. That's right, um, when I asked the fella to write it down, it was eight o'clock.
Bluebottle Well then. Supposing when somebody asks you the time, it isn't eight o'clock?
Eccles Ah, den I don't show it to dem.
Bluebottle Ooohhh...
Eccles [Smacks lips] Yeah.
Bluebottle Well how do you know when it's eight o'clock?
Eccles I've got it written down on a piece of paper!
Bluebottle Oh, I wish I could afford a piece of paper with the time written on.
Eccles Oohhhh.
Bluebottle 'Ere Eccles?
Eccles Yah.
Bluebottle Let me hold that piece of paper to my ear would you? - 'Ere. This piece of paper ain't goin'.
Eccles What? I've been sold a forgery!
Bluebottle No wonder it stopped at eight o'clock.
Eccles Oh dear.
Bluebottle You should get one of them tings my grandad's got.
Eccles Oooohhh?
Bluebottle His firm give it to him when he retired.
Eccles Oooohhh.
Bluebottle It's one of dem tings what it is that wakes you up at eight o'clock, boils the kettil, and pours a cuppa tea.
Eccles Ohhh yeah! What's it called? Um.
Bluebottle My granma.
Eccles Ohh... Ohh, ah wait a minute. How does she know when it's eight o'clock?
Bluebottle She's got it written down on a piece of paper!
Song Choice
- Don't Stop Me Now - Queen Middle
- Funky Moped - Jasper Carrot Outtro
- Paint it Black - The Rolling Stones intro
Don't Stop Me Now - Queen
Lyrics
Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah
And floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time
I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go, go, go
There's no stopping me
I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
Yeah, I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite, I'm out of control
I am a sex machine, ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode
I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Don't stop me, hey, hey, hey
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Ooh ooh ooh, I like it
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Have a good time, good time
Don't stop me, don't stop me, ah
Oh yeah
Alright
Oh, I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time (wooh)
Just give me a call (alright)
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time, yeah yeah)
Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
La da da da daah
Da da da haa
Ha da da ha ha haaa
Ha da daa ha da da aaa
Ooh ooh oohSongwriters: Freddie Mercury
Don't Stop Me Now lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Tonight, I'm gonna have myself a real good time
I feel alive and the world I'll turn it inside out, yeah
And floating around in ecstasy
So don't stop me now don't stop me
'Cause I'm having a good time, having a good time
I'm a shooting star, leaping through the sky
Like a tiger defying the laws of gravity
I'm a racing car, passing by like Lady Godiva
I'm gonna go, go, go
There's no stopping me
I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time, just give me a call
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time)
Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
Yeah, I'm a rocket ship on my way to Mars
On a collision course
I am a satellite, I'm out of control
I am a sex machine, ready to reload
Like an atom bomb about to
Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh explode
I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic woman of you
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Don't stop me, hey, hey, hey
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Ooh ooh ooh, I like it
Don't stop me, don't stop me
Have a good time, good time
Don't stop me, don't stop me, ah
Oh yeah
Alright
Oh, I'm burnin' through the sky, yeah
Two hundred degrees
That's why they call me Mister Fahrenheit
I'm traveling at the speed of light
I wanna make a supersonic man out of you
Don't stop me now, I'm having such a good time
I'm having a ball
Don't stop me now
If you wanna have a good time (wooh)
Just give me a call (alright)
Don't stop me now ('cause I'm having a good time, yeah yeah)
Don't stop me now (yes, I'm havin' a good time)
I don't want to stop at all
La da da da daah
Da da da haa
Ha da da ha ha haaa
Ha da daa ha da da aaa
Ooh ooh oohSongwriters: Freddie Mercury
Don't Stop Me Now lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC
Funky Moped - Jasper Carrott
Lyrics
The lights were groovy colours,
the band was playin' slow.
We danced just one dance together
then she said "I've gotta go now!"
I brushed away a teardrop
and followed 'er outside
where a long-haired yob on a cycle
was waiting to gi' 'er a ride.
I'll never forget that freak she went with:
tell him he'd better leave town.
'Cos as soon as me moped's front mud-guard is fixed
gonna find the creep and put him down! (Down, down)
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I get me moped out on the road
Ain't nobody gonna tell me where to go. No!
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride, ride, ride!
(Funky Moped)
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move, Move, Move, Move, Move Funky Moped. Go!
(Funky Moped)
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
I'll ride, ride, ride!
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
Everywhere I go the chicks are
moving and a-grooving
wiggling and a-giggling
dancing and a-prancing
beaming and a-screaming!
When you see me moped streaming with funk
You better ride, ride, ride!
When you see me moped - Ooh what an 'unk! -
You better ride, ride, ride!
When you see me moped streaming with funk
You know I'm out to burn up every
motor-scooter punk.
Oh, When you see me moped you'd better take your piece of junk
And ride, ride, ride, ride, ride! (Funky Moped)
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move, Move, Move, Move, Move Funky Moped. Go!
(Funky Moped)
Ohh, me mum won't let me mend it in the kitchen.
I've got to fix it in the garding.
The lights were groovy colours,
the band was playin' slow.
We danced just one dance together
then she said "I've gotta go now!"
I brushed away a teardrop
and followed 'er outside
where a long-haired yob on a cycle
was waiting to gi' 'er a ride.
I'll never forget that freak she went with:
tell him he'd better leave town.
'Cos as soon as me moped's front mud-guard is fixed
gonna find the creep and put him down! (Down, down)
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I get me moped out on the road
Ain't nobody gonna tell me where to go. No!
When I get me moped out on the road
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride, ride, ride!
(Funky Moped)
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move, Move, Move, Move, Move Funky Moped. Go!
(Funky Moped)
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
I'm gonna ride, ride, ride!
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
I'll ride, ride, ride!
When I'm on me moped rockin' an' a-sockin'
Everywhere I go the chicks are
moving and a-grooving
wiggling and a-giggling
dancing and a-prancing
beaming and a-screaming!
When you see me moped streaming with funk
You better ride, ride, ride!
When you see me moped - Ooh what an 'unk! -
You better ride, ride, ride!
When you see me moped streaming with funk
You know I'm out to burn up every
motor-scooter punk.
Oh, When you see me moped you'd better take your piece of junk
And ride, ride, ride, ride, ride! (Funky Moped)
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move Funky Moped
Move, Move, Move, Move, Move Funky Moped. Go!
(Funky Moped)
Ohh, me mum won't let me mend it in the kitchen.
I've got to fix it in the garding.
Paint It Black - Rolling Stones
Lyrics
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
I want to see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I want to see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I want to see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmmSongwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger
Paint It Black lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
I see a line of cars and they're all painted black
With flowers and my love both never to come back
I see people turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a new born baby it just happens ev'ry day
I look inside myself and see my heart is black
I see my red door I must have it painted black
Maybe then I'll fade away and not have to face the facts
It's not easy facin' up, when your whole world is black
No more will my green sea go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into the settin' sun
My love will laugh with me before the mornin' comes
I see a red door and I want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see the girls walk by dressed in their summer clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
I want to see it painted, painted black
Black as night, black as coal
I want to see the sun, blotted out from the sky
I want to see it painted, painted, painted, painted black
Yeah
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmm
Hmm, hmm, hmmSongwriters: Keith Richards / Mick Jagger
Paint It Black lyrics © Abkco Music, Inc